| Tuesday, May 29th, 2012 |
| 8:16 pm |
Dates
Well lets see- This weekend officially starts my moonlighting job as a trustee. I say moonlighting because most of the hours I think are going to be in the evenings... The 16th - I have in the day time my nieces graduation party in Y.town and then SMART 3rd saturday. The 18th - I have my preadmission testingfor the hospital later in the following month. June 26th - Summer time one week what it is I do for work job but only 7- 11 am The 30th- our fifth saturday party. July 6th - 1st Friday July 14th wedding way out of state in the deep south July 16th my surgery band to sleeve revision. I will then be out of comission for three to six weeks. I can't get a clear answer. |
| Wednesday, May 23rd, 2012 |
| 6:30 am |
approved
My Band removal, hernia repair and sleeving has been approved. It took a peer to peer and me doing a once a week(x3) buzzing in the insurancea advocate's ear/email mail box. Now I have to wait for the scheduler to call me. I was notified Monday night at 5:30 pm. The scheduler has until THursday morning. |
| Monday, May 21st, 2012 |
| 6:21 am |
These special moments
People have asked me- why I still maintain a profile over on CM. I usually say - when I am bored - I read the threads or scroll through pictures. No. Today - this morning - minutes ago - the real reason. Some one sent me an email. " Hi, I'm a captain in the . I really like your pictures ( please note I have none over on CM any longer). Message me at XXXX@helpmewank.off
His pictures have him standing in shiny underpants.....
so literally he is "Captain Shiny Underpants"
This moment brought to you by CM - long term use may cause any of these side effects: gagging, vomiting, the urge to use bathroom...
] |
| Saturday, May 19th, 2012 |
| 9:29 am |
and have a blessed day.
She ends every conversation this way. Even her voice mail on her work phone ends with this message. I don't know why after all these years that I still fall into the assumption that someone who invokes blessings - or Jesus - or some religious icon is a truthful person. I know athesists - and they've never lied to me. Things with my hernia repair hit a snafu. I sent a (confirmed by a second party) polite - "I feel helpless in this process. I understand if too many hands in the pot complicate things - but if I can do something on my end - with the insurance company please let me know" She said and I quote "Sure - you can help. Dr. SuchandMighty called for the peer to peer but he left an incorrect number. I've called the request line all week but no one has called me back so that I can get a correct number for Dr. Suchandmighty." Thats all I needed and I was on the case. It literally only took me 45 minutes of not accepting no for an answer and being transferred to the next round of middle management - who was willing to work with me. So I called with said middle management's number to Have a blessed day lady - to only find out - she was out of office. Cool - it is Friday - I can understand wanting to take a early weekend. So I asked to talk to her boss - so that middle management could give Suchandmighty's number to the guy who is going to fix my hernia. Blessed Day's boss - calls blessed day and she said "oh no - I've talked to Dr.Suchandmighty's office all week - we're just waiting for their schedules to align. Her boss -calls me and guess who looks like a liar? Me. I can't confront her - she is the one handling my insurance. I do plan on printing her email out and showing her boss... with this attached note ONCE my insurance issues have been straightened out. "I've worked in bureacracies before. She needs to know - that saying "no, I don't need your help' is an acceptable answer. Some patients might go no where in their efforts to assist - but some patients are tenacious little bull dogs. More importantly - making me feel like a bafoon and a liar - isn't very christian. I know she is good at her job - but be advised that she will lie to cover her own blessed ass" I |
| Thursday, May 17th, 2012 |
| 8:38 pm |
insert motivational quote
I'm running for SMART office. I had someone send me a private message asking - why now? They then followed it up with - "you are going to be hit in the face with a frying pan, no one is going to appreciate you and your health will fail" No - not really - more like - you have no time for your own life - etc etc. I justified the why now - and not five years or two years or even last year - rather well. I then became super aggitated. I went to do a little retail therapy. I wanted to get this new fuck me red lipstick that someone of my skin tone and hair color can wear... and forget about the self doubt of said frying pan and lack of appreciation. Sadly Macy's had 20 year old I barely wear my own make up properly covering the counter. - I wanted the dame that is 55,yet looks like shes 35, and I would still do her because of the glamour she can slather on her face. Yeah - that lady wasn't there. Young chickie also moved like she was doing Tai-Chi. Not usually a problem however there was like five of us standing at the counter waiting. Every question the two ladies in front of me asked - her answer was " I don't know" even when the lady was asking "what is the name of the stuff for Rosacea - ya know to reduce the redness?" While standing - she had a halo of a sign that said "Clinique Redness solution make up" I actually pointed that one out... and then decided f*ck this... I am not buying anything. I came home and had this thought contact T. Tell her to take my name off of the list. "I don't know if I am going to be able to do this "
then that little voice in my head - that gets me to do all sorts of stupid sports.
Yeah - how will you know - especially when you don't try.
My trainer sent me a picture -with a heavy set guy running - said "How many people does he think he is going to pass.... everyone who never even got off the couch."
So I'm off the couch. Members hit me in the face with a frying pan and don't appreciate me (really minus the fryin pan) - I need to do this!
I need to give at least a year to this group that has been my home.
My goals if elected - besides the three I gave in my bio - Is do what it takes to maintain harmony. This isn't the time or the place for a pissing contest.
As a side note - I am not in the least upset at this person for asking these questions. Hell -she did it privately - and I wouldn't have been offended if she asked them publically either.
She cares about home too.
I know that I come across as a ditz sometimes... but I'm a fully functional organized machine - when it comes to things where people depend on me.
word. |
| Tuesday, May 15th, 2012 |
| 8:08 pm |
The Universe is good!
Today while waiting in line at subway ( I was getting a salad) I had a lady not only switch breads - after they started already putting the veggies on her sub- but change the sub all together. It was rather comical. She had them walk through all the bread choices every time she ordered one of her six subs. The frustration level in line ( now up to 10 people) was beginngng to mount. I decided I was going to take a deep breath and just imagine everyones mean and nasty energy at this old lady - going through me - into my feet and out of my body. I am not sure if that is what I was supposed to do - but I did it anyway. It was finally time for me to order - and be on my way back to work. When I got in to the office - I was notified that I had to go to a meeting. They renewed my contract for next year. ya-hoo! Thanks universe. |
| 6:33 am |
tick tock - don't look at the clock
15 days until my summer break. 5 minutes - how often I check my email waiting for news from the hospital. The advocate made a paper error - and everything was denied - even the surgery to just fix my hernia - not remove the band. 3 days - it took to organize the paper work to challenge the insurance. I then realized her error. zero - the amount of feedback I am getting from the physician's assistant. one the amount of days left in my second job ( thank-fuck) |
| Monday, April 23rd, 2012 |
| 7:48 pm |
The up and down
Emotionally in this homestead had me up watching Albert Nobbs Thursday night. As a period piece -I think spot on... However - I just kept thinking - the hidden message is - "The only good Irishman - was biologically born a woman." Mind you - this thought was planted at 1 am as I was finishing it. On the other hand - the painter - Hello. Hello. Hi - I'm janigrey and you made me tingle. I need to get over to IMDB and seek her out. |
| Tuesday, April 17th, 2012 |
| 8:40 pm |
A weekend update (cross posted)
When the getting was good – I got. This past weekend was the Leather Leadership Conference. It was my second time attending. I was excited about the learning and networking opportunities. I wasn’t let down. I told a friend – I attended six classes, enjoyed five and learned something in at least four of them. I won’t go into any boring details – but the more I immerse myself within the Leather community the more I crave it. When I started kinking – I judged the leather people I was acquainted with – without ever really talking to them. Slowly- I have interacted – and really really grown to love and respect their passion, dedication and philanthropy. Each time I leave an LLC – I have a burning desire to better serve my community. This year though something bottled also became a little unleashed in me. There was a series of play parties. They were not sponsored by the LLC but hosted by the local dungeon, “The Mark.” I went out Friday night solo. In my mind I was looking for some mid range pain. Something that would make me wiggle in my seat on Saturday afternoon. Sadly that didn’t happen – but I still think I was meant to be there. I met a member – and they had recently had a surgery that is most likely on my horizon. So yeah – those powers that be – tarted me up in a fishnet outfit and fantastic shoes – to have me talk about health issues. I truly believe that was the something that made me go down to the lobby – wait for a bus – when I knew it wasn’t going to be busy at the play space. BUT On Saturday night – I bumped into someone that had been a partner of mine in a LLC class. He had this understated confidence and power that just swirled around him. Momma wanted. Momma wanted – real bad. I tried to keep my options open – and yet my eyes just kept trying to keep track of his location. Finally – and frankly I just hit on him. This level of bold isn't my usual self. Sure I flirt - but I was um, not subtle. He was okay with my forward nature. He wasn’t going to be giving me any mid range pain – that would make me wiggle on the way home – but by that time – I felt like one of those Olympic runners in the blocks – trying – struggling to not jump start and ruin their chance at something. So the something – was pretty fucking amazing. I would say – not pain – but a heavy hand of erotic control and the right dose of ‘you dirty fucking whore’. I was used and spent – and the world was for a few moments – calm. I didn’t feel the need to keep my random bounce about (is this chick A.D.D.?) ideas and my need to entertain people flowing. I could just be centered. So I’m calm in a way that people at work have rarely seen. It is funny to see how they are reacting to the calm me. This calm won’t last – so here is hoping that I can find some calm at Kinko. |
| Monday, March 19th, 2012 |
| 1:18 pm |
Fifty Shades of Grey
Fifty Shades of Grey. I didn’t answer anything about what I thought of this book – until I finished reading it. I didn’t know when I bought it that it was based on Twilight fan fiction. The author then – decided to take the sparkly vampires out and input bdsm. (A far better choice in my opinion) As a book the plot is thin. However consensual bdsm is appropriately portrayed here… the lingo is correct, contract wording is accurate – the toys are accurately described and she even opens the conversation on who is ultimately in control. Granted – the submissive could walk away at any time – but those lead to the complete and instant end to the bdsm relationship. It pushes some of my buttons. I love being praised with “good girl” or manipulated with it – as in – “you want to be a good girl don’t you?” and her dominant does this. I love bathing. Deep steamy tubs – they can relax a person – or knowing what might happen after –the bath – gear a person up. This also happens sometime in the story – and at this point the book became a kinky harlequin romance for me. When I used to write a boyfriend (back in the college days) – he wanted to sail around the world in a little boat- and we would scuba – and whatever – but the most erotic thing he ever said when weaving that tale – was that he would brush and braid my hair. This too happens in the book (the braiding not the around the world in a little boat) I don’t even have hair that long anymore – It still pushed a button. On a scale of 1 – 10 of bdsm play – I give it a 3. They really don’t play much. It’s more about a virgin losing her hymen. It would be a good guide on how to introduce someone to bdsm. (Apparently the book is all the rage in NYC ladies who lunch reading circles) A good bdsm book with play – is Topping from the Bottom by Laura Reese or even Panic Snap. The bdsm in these two books - edgy – hot – masturbation worthy. The relationship aspects – horrible . The perfect bdsm book – still the Laura Antoniou –Marketplace Series |
| Sunday, March 18th, 2012 |
| 7:11 pm |
do me do me do me....
Catching the eye I can go periods of time without sex – but then when I DO get it – I do not become satiated – no – I want it more. Saturday I had A LOT of sex. It was laced with enough- I’m not the person in charge- to make my panties drip. So today – I have to go to the grocery store. I am wearing a simple black tennis skort and a black top – thin white hoodie - tennis flats. My hair is in a pony tail and I’m not wearing any make up. I have my every day sun glasses on – and I’m horny. I stop at the red light two blocks away and the guy in the truck – smoking his post church cigarette is looking at me. It wasn’t a glance – It was a hard stare. I give him the evil stink eye back and then remember – Duh – I’m wearing sun glasses. Entering the grocery store I’m carrying the reusable bags. The store has a big bin of oranges out and I think – how big or heavy do those Ben WA balls have to be to feel them? I make eye contact with the manager of the store. I feel that our eye contact was a little longer than I normally hold a man’s gaze. I down cast my eyes and get a cart. This will happen four more times. Three times with a men and one time with a woman – that I finally mouthed the word “what?” at her – and she stopped staring. I was certain that perhaps I hadn’t washed all my eye makeup off and was rocking meth head /raging recovering booze night raccoon eyes. I ducked into the bathroom – and no. So – I’m not dressed as a slut – I’m not disheveled – Was this a subconscious energy thing – was I putting out the fuck me vibes? |
| Sunday, March 11th, 2012 |
| 9:18 pm |
not as planned but it got better
I have had the sniffles for a few days. As i approached the weekend - I was so excited about going to the cabin with my girlfriends. I went to the store stocked up on a variety of booze. I just had to make it through friday. I didn't make it through Friday. The morning started with a cough and sniffles. I had lunch- I threw up lunch. I came home - and fell apart. I had left over white rice and plain broth. I woke up saturday - and even broth - well lets say - broth can be projectile vomited. It was popcicles and ginger ale. I slept. I had a few saltines crackers and slept more. I woke up this morning at 9:30 am. I came downstairs and G. sheepishly looks at me and said - I fried the electric panel on our stove. I can't explain how good this made me feel. I have hated our stove since we bought the house. Yet - I couldn't justify buying a new one until that one broke. So - after a breakfast of saltines - off we went. New stove purchased. |
| Thursday, March 8th, 2012 |
| 6:42 am |
Today - Tomorrow - next week
I just need to get through these next two days - I can put this shitty week behind me. I know things are going down at work next week - but I 'm really NOT involved. The department reps have called a meeting with the boss and our direct manager - and they're bringing a shit storm of you don't know what you're doing to the table. I feel complimented that I have been asked - by 4 different people to be a part of this meeting. I am perceived as completely having my shit together. My answer is - right now - I serve at said Shit storm receivee's pleasure - I encourage you to stir the shit storm - but I cannot be a part of it. The Department reps all have union protection. I have a one year - lets see how you work out before we allow anything else contract. If the Department reps get their way - my job will become for about a week -or two, a little harder - and then it will get MUCH MUCH easier. It really is win win for me right now. Its not that I don't speak my mind with my boss - I just do so - privately. I think he respects that - or maybe he doesn't but he can't hate on me. I wrote -yesterday a 'you made me feel horrible letter - but you were wrong - here are the five other reasons that trump your one reason ' letter. He wrote back - "You are right. I respect your decisions for doing the thing I yelled at you for.Please carry on letter" |
| Saturday, March 3rd, 2012 |
| 10:58 pm |
feel free to say what the fuck but....
I need your old dildos, butt plugs, anal beads - broken vibes ( if you haven't given them a proper burial). Please wash them. Take comfort in knowing that they will be utilized - albeit NOT in their original purpose - but as part of a costume for me - at Kinko De Mayo. Please feel free - to message me here - or on FL. |
| Monday, February 27th, 2012 |
| 6:14 pm |
Coochie riders on the storm
I was asked by my personal trainer to participate in a fundraiser for the families of Ohio's fallen soliders. It was presented as 'keep the pedals moving on the spin class bikes for 6 straight hours. Each client was asked to ride for 30 - 60 minutes... longer if they were one of the spin class participants. I actually thought (Lord knows why) that this would be like riding my bike in a nice - FLAT- park. I had to keep the pedals moving right? I actually brought a book to read to keep me occupied for the 60 minutes. Yes... but NO. I was actually in a spin class with fitness instructors - who were on all but 2 of the bikes. We were doing a guided ride - on a mountain I've decided should be called HELL. I love riding my bike - but almost instantly the spin bike seat decided to make my taint its bitch. Why did I stand on all those 'climbs'? Because my ass was on fire and I was too proud - to vain to admit that I couldn't hang with these women. I kept pace for about 30 minutes - and finally had to say fuck it. I kept spinning for an additional 10 and praise be - Someone who hadn't signed up - wanted to hop in and donate. I graciously gave my spot away.... and then walked away LITERALLY like John Wayne. Late last night - I thought I started my period - but realized - I had just finished two weeks ago. Those fucking bikes injured my coochie -coo enough to make it bleed. Holy fuck I had genital torture with a spin bike. Today I feel like the one time G. used a spatula on my pussy. What have I learned? That - pain without someone to take it for - or to say "good girl" after I am done - is not good pain. |
| Monday, February 20th, 2012 |
| 3:38 pm |
I'm a believer, not a trace of doubt in my mind.
Hi, I am jani. I'm 39 years old and I believe most health legends my Father tells me. Let me set the stage. My Father is 72 years old. He is as wide - as he his tall and only this month started to work out with any sort of regularity. He ate - neither healthy nor did he gorge on bad for you foods. Dad had gone in for some rhythm problems with his heart. The doctor was certain, we were certain that doing the catherization would lead to stent - or even a multiple by pass...If we were lucky. It was a short 1 hour and some minutes later when the doctor called us in to tell us - "I've never seen anything like this - considering your Father's age and apparent health - but he has the heart of a 27 year old marathon runner. I haven't seen arteries and veins this clean - in a child - let alone a sedentary geriatric. " My Father's secrets? Eat the pith of citrus fruit. Pith? That crappy white stuff most people pick off - eat it first - then eat the orange or whatever. Don't ever eat onions from any sort of salad bar. Onions absorb moisture. There has to be atleast one person who sneezed ( at least) near those onions today alone. However - when feeling ill eat as much raw onion on things as possible. The best way - is to add a diced handful onto some really hot chicken soup. If you're early enough with the onions and soup you can beat the cold back. Dad would also add- he takes 1 multi vitamin a day - and doesn't ever really stress about things beyond his control. |
| Wednesday, February 15th, 2012 |
| 8:27 pm |
I've composed at least three posts in my head. I'm just always so tuckered out by the time I can get in front of a computer - I just don't type. I usually pet my dogs - play with them - and read a book. I managed to squeeze in a massage today - and get the therapist of my dreams. I usually say "feel free to go deep and hard - I won't be shy about telling with you ease up" They always laugh - and then never ever push hard enough. This lady - pushes hard - and for the first time ever I had to say 'ease up a little'. I feel great. sore but great. Many other things to write about -gathering with friends, my period, still working out, Kinko, mid-life crisis, and peanut M&M's |
| Sunday, January 15th, 2012 |
| 6:36 pm |
commerce
I took back the last of my Christmas presents. It was a pretty striped sweater. When I put it on I instantly felt 10 years older than I am. I looked like if I lifted the sweater up you would see Mom jeans and sensible shoes, legs shaved only to the knees and in really bad need of a hair dye. I bought with its cash value a new pair of work out capris and two dry wicking shirts. While I am not at the physical level I want to be yet - holy Hay-Seuss -is my ass rounder and firmer. I feel that I am comfortable representing the phrase bitch with booty - and not just woman with large ass. We swung through Kohls and got a new comforter for our king size bed. I love it. Its black and white blocking. It will solve the paint the bed room dilemma. It will go with ANY color. We also added two new bed pillows and smaller square plates. (M. told me that it helps you eat less - and my sister agrees). We quickly stopped at Gabriels in Kent. If you're kinky get there quickly - some fantastic - fantastic kink stilettos for 9.99. I have one patin leather red pair - and I might still go back for the purple leopard print front stacked with a five inch skinny stiletto. CAN YOU FEEL ME? We also ordered my new phone and paid the fee to get my Mom's voice message from 2007 transferred into an MP3. I'm changing from verizon to an Apple phone and my voice mails cannot be saved. I had this moment after listening to it - that if something gets messed up then it is supposed to be...and while I'll be sad - I'll have to deal. Current Mood:  cheerful |
| Wednesday, January 11th, 2012 |
| 10:11 pm |
101/1001 and 12?
I was invited - and I accepted to participate in a 101 goals in 1001 days. I've been trying to brainstorm somethings in my life that I still want to accomplish. I thought long and hard and got to 12 today. 12. When I took out my pencil (number 2) and my note pad(yellow business lined) and cleared a nice area on my desk - I was thinking that this list would flow from me... and that I would stop myself today at 25 - so that I didn't get ahead of the process. Yeah. I got to seven. 7 -and I was putting my pencil down. I took a break and got some water. Came up with a five more. Perhaps I should write - number thirteen -work on my overconfidence in myself. Ha! |
| Tuesday, January 3rd, 2012 |
| 2:41 pm |
I love when the boss calls and says "stay home - the roads are bad" This is the first time it has happened now that I'm actually in a paid position for these days and not a contract employee. I was able to almost finish my laundry - maybe by tonight - cook a better than left overs dinner, and generally love on my furkids and husband. The snow - has finally stopped. Not a petering out - but as if someone turned off a machine. This is a good thing - I'll be able to make my work out tonight. In general I am ALMOST back to an emotional center... (thank all omnipotent creaturs for that one) G. asked me if I was planning on going to the LLC. I think I am... I want to at least. |
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