janigrey (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} janigrey) wrote,@ 2008-09-17 21:40:00 |
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Reasons, impulses and realities
Friday on the way to Columbus we were in a fender bender on the highway. My fender was the only one damaged – the car was still operable so we motored toward the capitol.
We came late to the key note speech. The last 10 minutes sounded good. Key note speakers usually wrap their ending up into a little nugget of truism from the beginning – and if she did that I had no point of reference. I did find the human podium –hot. Yes, the girl was attractive but it could have been a chubby, hairy man and still have been hot. It was the act of being not the being itself.
We should have played that first night – but my neck was stiff and I think we were a little stressed weary. We sat and watched –trying to get a sense of the space’s groove. It helps me be comfortable when we do play. It didn’t hurt that there was soooo much eye candy.
Random brain misfires that night:
I thought the podium belonged to the key note speaker and her man. I’m still not sure but I think not. She was a loaner from one of the other presenters – which makes ‘being the podium’ even more erotically hot.
We stayed across at another hotel that ended up being full of women in town for a huge craft show and young girls and their mothers in town for a religious conference. I know this because they are morning people, loud morning people. Errrrr.
I wanted to attend COPE for two reasons. I wanted to listen to Jack Rinella lecture and to attend an event where penetration is permitted. Oddly enough once all the facts were out on the table – I never got to see Mr. Rinella speak – nor did we do any penetration play. I want to point out – that its not always about what I want – ya know?
Morning classes were fine.
The afternoon had me flying solo. G. had to work some to get a project for work done and then he napped.
I had a multi layered dilemma. I had three classes at the same time that I wanted to attend for varying reasons.
I don’t really know anything about Sacred Sensual spaces. I should attend this class. However I wanted to see Padre Pugno and his Mrs. – not because I wanted to learn anything about what they were talking about – but for my own mental masturbation. Finally, I wanted to attend the ‘How to talk to Dominants’ class. I wanted to see Ms. Simone speak again; the topic intrigued me – as I really don’t cold approach many dominants.
I debated in the hallway. Daphne narrowed the choice when she said that T. was trying to get Padre for the SMART event –
So my choice was two. The teacher in me took over and I opted to sit in the sacred spaces class. It is truly something I knew nothing about – (still don’t – but I’m getting to that)
I stayed 10 minutes. The presenters were inviting, funny and qualified beyond a reasonable doubt to be leading such a class BUT someone said that this sorta involves tantric and my mind is like NOOOOOO willing WAY!!!! And I knew I wouldn’t mentally be there.
So I ended up 10 minutes late to Ms. Simone’s class. The class itself was such an eye opener - beyond approaching Doms and Domme’s. It was a brief and small window into their psyche. When I meet certain people – I categorize the feelings I get around them – respect, revulsion, love, distain, or a feeling that this is someone I want to know more about – or that I want to make happy – It is hard to explain. Just like someone may remember someone by their smile with a piece of lunch between their teeth or the fact they have a certain mannerism… that sorta thing. Its not everyone – that gets that mental space from me but people do… and they are if negative one of the hardest things for me to overcome or to repress out of societal politeness … that being said….
As I’m sitting there – that sense memory comes hitting me like a ton of bricks about Ms. Simone. She was in Cleveland two years ago. God – I like this woman I really do. I normally don’t feel comfortable around female Dommes. Its not you – it is me. Yet I think I’m bisexual. So perhaps it is wrapped in some deep mental crap of my own creation. I usually don’t feel submissive around the standard female Domme – I feel competitive. *shrugs* Again it has nothing to do with their nature- it is me.
Kinky Artemis, Simone, a Lady named Meg, and Melora… that’s it. These women I could kneel for, at least in my mind….( no I’m not hitting on anyone from a distance just stating facts)
So Simone – pegged me instantly with a problem I’ve had since college.
I’m eager.
It’s like telling a high fashion model wanna-be that she could do catalog.
It is true though. I somehow need to convert my eager into being – a cool presence.
I also met two wonderful men Sir Michael and his submissive (I think his name was William) that in a few sentences of advice – really opened up some mental avenues for me. I felt bad that based on the class write up this was my third choice. I should have been there from the beginning.
I will pick from here- moving to the play party in my next post.
Friday on the way to Columbus we were in a fender bender on the highway. My fender was the only one damaged – the car was still operable so we motored toward the capitol.
We came late to the key note speech. The last 10 minutes sounded good. Key note speakers usually wrap their ending up into a little nugget of truism from the beginning – and if she did that I had no point of reference. I did find the human podium –hot. Yes, the girl was attractive but it could have been a chubby, hairy man and still have been hot. It was the act of being not the being itself.
We should have played that first night – but my neck was stiff and I think we were a little stressed weary. We sat and watched –trying to get a sense of the space’s groove. It helps me be comfortable when we do play. It didn’t hurt that there was soooo much eye candy.
Random brain misfires that night:
I thought the podium belonged to the key note speaker and her man. I’m still not sure but I think not. She was a loaner from one of the other presenters – which makes ‘being the podium’ even more erotically hot.
We stayed across at another hotel that ended up being full of women in town for a huge craft show and young girls and their mothers in town for a religious conference. I know this because they are morning people, loud morning people. Errrrr.
I wanted to attend COPE for two reasons. I wanted to listen to Jack Rinella lecture and to attend an event where penetration is permitted. Oddly enough once all the facts were out on the table – I never got to see Mr. Rinella speak – nor did we do any penetration play. I want to point out – that its not always about what I want – ya know?
Morning classes were fine.
The afternoon had me flying solo. G. had to work some to get a project for work done and then he napped.
I had a multi layered dilemma. I had three classes at the same time that I wanted to attend for varying reasons.
I don’t really know anything about Sacred Sensual spaces. I should attend this class. However I wanted to see Padre Pugno and his Mrs. – not because I wanted to learn anything about what they were talking about – but for my own mental masturbation. Finally, I wanted to attend the ‘How to talk to Dominants’ class. I wanted to see Ms. Simone speak again; the topic intrigued me – as I really don’t cold approach many dominants.
I debated in the hallway. Daphne narrowed the choice when she said that T. was trying to get Padre for the SMART event –
So my choice was two. The teacher in me took over and I opted to sit in the sacred spaces class. It is truly something I knew nothing about – (still don’t – but I’m getting to that)
I stayed 10 minutes. The presenters were inviting, funny and qualified beyond a reasonable doubt to be leading such a class BUT someone said that this sorta involves tantric and my mind is like NOOOOOO willing WAY!!!! And I knew I wouldn’t mentally be there.
So I ended up 10 minutes late to Ms. Simone’s class. The class itself was such an eye opener - beyond approaching Doms and Domme’s. It was a brief and small window into their psyche. When I meet certain people – I categorize the feelings I get around them – respect, revulsion, love, distain, or a feeling that this is someone I want to know more about – or that I want to make happy – It is hard to explain. Just like someone may remember someone by their smile with a piece of lunch between their teeth or the fact they have a certain mannerism… that sorta thing. Its not everyone – that gets that mental space from me but people do… and they are if negative one of the hardest things for me to overcome or to repress out of societal politeness … that being said….
As I’m sitting there – that sense memory comes hitting me like a ton of bricks about Ms. Simone. She was in Cleveland two years ago. God – I like this woman I really do. I normally don’t feel comfortable around female Dommes. Its not you – it is me. Yet I think I’m bisexual. So perhaps it is wrapped in some deep mental crap of my own creation. I usually don’t feel submissive around the standard female Domme – I feel competitive. *shrugs* Again it has nothing to do with their nature- it is me.
Kinky Artemis, Simone, a Lady named Meg, and Melora… that’s it. These women I could kneel for, at least in my mind….( no I’m not hitting on anyone from a distance just stating facts)
So Simone – pegged me instantly with a problem I’ve had since college.
I’m eager.
It’s like telling a high fashion model wanna-be that she could do catalog.
It is true though. I somehow need to convert my eager into being – a cool presence.
I also met two wonderful men Sir Michael and his submissive (I think his name was William) that in a few sentences of advice – really opened up some mental avenues for me. I felt bad that based on the class write up this was my third choice. I should have been there from the beginning.
I will pick from here- moving to the play party in my next post.
